Loving well...

I’m trying to learn how to love people well. And how does that look tangibly played out in my life. How to love my husband well, my friend well, my daughter well, my family well and complete strangers. I’ve tried to establish practices on how to do this.

I write these as personal reminders more than anything else. I want to be better. to put those around me at ease. This list serves as a conscious reminder that I know better and serves as accountability since it's been put to ink and sent out into public terrain.

Husband(or wife):

LOVE HIM BEYOND HIS MISTAKES: Someone said to me early on in my marriage that a spouse can cause the greatest joy and worst pain. I'm finding this to be true. Pain is inevitable when you love someone as madly as you do a spouse. If a spouse wounds you (which will happen with time) deal with it, forgive them, move on and don't bring it up again. It's searing pain to the heart when you hurt your spouse and you've dealt with the problem and then they bring up the subject as ammunition against you. Don't do it!

SEX: is important. I remember having a serious conversation as a young teen with my dad about marriage. I told my dad that sex was a benefit to marriage. He stopped me dead in my tracks by saying it was very important and one the foundations in marriage. So true! Be available for sex. Girls you may not be in the mood, you're tired, it's late and you have to get early. Men take the word "no" more personally than we might expect. So, indulge him. Don't be a martyr. Have fun and enjoy it!

COOK: The way to a man's heart is through is stomach. This is a funny phrase, but in ways it holds so much truth. My husband appreciated it so much when I cook him dinner and I even enjoy doing it.

GO TO BED AND WAKE UP TOGETHER: Since the morning after we were married I have woken up and helped my husband get ready for work. At times this has meant getting up at 6:15am and other times 4:15AM! Sometimes it's with reluctance after having just been up two hours earlier feeding the baby, but it allows us to be on the same page day in and day out.

MAKE HIS LUNCH: This came as a surprise to me. A few weeks ago my husband said to me "Thank you for still making my lunch". I was taken back a little. Then he elaborated, "I just figured you would one day stop and have me do it and I just really appreciate that you still make it." I know he's capable of doing it himself, but if it's means so much to him it makes me excited to bless him in that way. Plus you can always give him a little shock by sneaking something a sexy little something inside with a note that makes his heart race with expectation to come home :)
 

Baby(kids):

DO THE MONOTONOUS: Mothers are needed even in the medial tasks, but that’s what counts. As the book "10 Habits of Healthy Mothers" says even wiping peas off the floor is important. Try to enjoy the things you have to do for your kids.

LET THEM BE THEM: You had your glory days. Allow them to develop into who they are. Don’t push them towards your regrets.

LOVE THEM OUT LOUD: We women should know this better than anyone else. We know our husbands love us. They do things to show us they love us, but that's not enough. We need to here those three precious words "I love you" and so do your kids!

FRIENDS:

LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO TELL THE TRUTH: I know some friendships don’t work this way. Then you have to ask yourself, is this really a true friendship or some self serving relationship where the other person can stay within the confines of what they feel is comfortable without any real input from the people who care. I want friendships that change me. Friendships that mold me into a better person. I want friendships that challenge me. In the same sense when your girlfriend says, “does this make my butt look big?” use some tact.

REMEMBER SPECIAL EVENTS: Birthdays are a must. A lot of people say birthdays aren’t really a big thing for them. I am one of them. The truth is I do want people to acknowledge that they know it’s my birthday. I'm speaking to the choir on this one. I've tried to be much better with this on Facebook. Baby steps people. Baby steps! Also, remember to ask about the big test or a job interview that your friend mentioned.

CONNECT REGULARLY: We can’t all be blessed and live in the same town as our friends. So, make a point to say hi. There are so many forms of social media and for all types of schedules. It takes seconds to email, Facebook or text someone. When they’re on your mind buzz them an email and let them know. “Hey Chelse, just thinking about you. Hope you are doing well. I love you, em”

PUT THE PHONE AWAY: It's rude. Enough said!

STRANGERS:

SMILE: says a thousand word. It can make or break a day. Have you ever walked by someone and they smile all teeth holding nothing back. It’s not very often I get a smile like this from a total stranger. It’s usually the pursed lips, half grin partial head nod. Like, “hey” I’m gonna acknowledge you, but I’m going to allow just enough of a social buffer in the case you don’t reciprocate. Rejection hurts. And it’s hard not to feel rejected when you smile at a stranger and they don’t reciprocate. Accept it. Be joyful. Smile regardless.  


 


 

Til Death Do We Part.

Marriage is challenging. People change and adapt.

I remember when my husband and I first got married I wanted to do everything in my power to maintain a strong and healthy relationship between us. I read books prior to marriage about marriage. We read books together after marriage about marriage.

I once heard a sermon about tracking your history with God. This pastor said that it was important to keep track of where God has taken you in life, the prayers he's answered and the miracles he's worked in your life. He personally wrote all this down in his Bible. He had a page where he wrote prayer requests. When they were answered he would make note of it. Also, when God spoke to him through a verse he would also make not of it next to the verse. Thus, you could flip through this mans Bible and tangibly see how God had worked in his life.

There are moments or experiences in life that you think you will never forget, but as a wise proverb goes "The palest ink is better than the sharpest memory".

I wanted this type of "history" with my husband. So we created a notebook that houses our memories together. We started on the 4 hour drive to our honeymoon destination. We wrote about our wedding, who was there, what we enjoyed most. Then we wrote about each day on our honeymoon, what we did, where we went etc. We still write in it to this day (2 years and a baby later) about special trips we go on or huge markers in our life.

 

One day when times are rough and we have a hard time loving or understand in one another we can flip through those pages and maybe fall in love again. OR if things maintain their status qua we can read them together for fun and share (some of them) with our kids.

Although this book is stashed away in a drawer and taken our for special occasion we also try to do a visible reminder of how we appreciate one another. In our bathroom on the medicine cabinet we each have a little pocket (labeled "10 Things I Love About My Life w/ You") with pieces of paper in them. Ten total. When Jon does something that blows me away, makes my heart feel warm and my spirit grateful I write it down and put the date. It's a way he can feel affirmed. It's also a good way I can remember what a blessing he is in my life.

 

 

Here's an example for why I LOVE THIS MAN......

Purchase at Micheal's or you can make your own :)

Morning Muffs

There are mornings when my husband has to be at work at 5am. That means I wake up at 4:15 (way before the rooster crows)!!! The typical morning routine consists of making daddy's lunch, breakfast and feeding the baby. So, to make my mornings a little easier I came up with (and a little altering from allrecipes) this super quick, easy, scrumptious breakfast muffin your manly man is sure to love :) Trust me! My husband is a power fighting (electrician), bear hunting, bass fishing, carhart wearing son of a gun and he LOVES THESE!

MORNING MUFFS

 

1 Jumbo Buttermilk Biscuits Can (cut each biscuit in 1/2)

*I buy a few and throw some in the freezer then defrost the night before

4-5 slices of mozzarella cheese and cut into small cubes

6 pieces of crumbed cooked bacon

6 eggs mixed in measuring cup (easier to poor this way)

add some pepper and milk to egg mixture

 

1. Use bacon grease to grease the inside of the cupcake tin

2. Start by taking the 1/2 biscuits and bringing corners together to make a small circle and place one at the bottom of each cupcake space.

3. Add cheese and bacon to each.

4. Pour egg, milk, pepper mixture into each space. I fill mine to the top which causes the Morning Muffs to flow over the brim when cooked.

 

Cook at 375F for 20-25 Min or until brown.

Let cool or you'll burn your face off.

 

*I used pepper jack, cheddar and sausage this morning.

 Mix and match.

You can't go wrong with this one.

To store I put them in a large freezer bag in the fridge so i can nuke them each morning.

Momma Mia...

Motherhood? It's fabulous, thrilling, monotonous, exhausting, confusing, open-ended and freeing. There are so many mixed emotions about being a stay-at-home mom. In college I would never imagined living the life I have now. As a business student I imagined myself the young money monger of some fortune 500 company living the fabulously single, fashionably rich and frantically busy life blazing the untrodden path for both women and youth. Here I am 26 years old, married, staying at home with a 3 month old. My daily routines are hardly what I imagined 4 years ago (they definitely don't make Time magazine) and yet I feel more meaning in my routines than any non-profit or sales gig I had in L.A. or here in Redding. But, I do crave more.

As a new student to motherhood I want to achieve so many things. I want to be the wise, caring and encouraging wife. I want to be an available friend. I want a clean house. I want to be a fantastic cook. I want to be a good mother. I want to pursue a rewarding career. I want to be involved in my community. I want to look fabulous (and not smell of Perfume de leche). I want free-time. I want to travel overseas and across the U.S.  I want to create with my mind and hands. Stereotypical to my generation I want ALL these things NOW! The best lesson I have learned is I don't have to have the perfect house, be flawlessly dresses, make immaculate meals, have a career that makes headlines. Baby steps. I take each day, measure each option. It's morning Miss Juliet (my precious baby) wakes up in a fabulous mood I need to clean the house because company is coming. I can...

a. Spend some time with Miss Juliet singing songs and making faces.

b. Or, put the kid in the swing, vacuum and do a quick dusting.

I opt now for the first option. It's rewarding to both of us. I've learned some things can wait (like the dust mites). Relationships are of NOW importance. House chores will always be there, but the option to spend special windows of time with people come and go.

Today, I choose to be intentional and make time to share special moments with people I love.