Loving well...

I’m trying to learn how to love people well. And how does that look tangibly played out in my life. How to love my husband well, my friend well, my daughter well, my family well and complete strangers. I’ve tried to establish practices on how to do this.

I write these as personal reminders more than anything else. I want to be better. to put those around me at ease. This list serves as a conscious reminder that I know better and serves as accountability since it's been put to ink and sent out into public terrain.

Husband(or wife):

LOVE HIM BEYOND HIS MISTAKES: Someone said to me early on in my marriage that a spouse can cause the greatest joy and worst pain. I'm finding this to be true. Pain is inevitable when you love someone as madly as you do a spouse. If a spouse wounds you (which will happen with time) deal with it, forgive them, move on and don't bring it up again. It's searing pain to the heart when you hurt your spouse and you've dealt with the problem and then they bring up the subject as ammunition against you. Don't do it!

SEX: is important. I remember having a serious conversation as a young teen with my dad about marriage. I told my dad that sex was a benefit to marriage. He stopped me dead in my tracks by saying it was very important and one the foundations in marriage. So true! Be available for sex. Girls you may not be in the mood, you're tired, it's late and you have to get early. Men take the word "no" more personally than we might expect. So, indulge him. Don't be a martyr. Have fun and enjoy it!

COOK: The way to a man's heart is through is stomach. This is a funny phrase, but in ways it holds so much truth. My husband appreciated it so much when I cook him dinner and I even enjoy doing it.

GO TO BED AND WAKE UP TOGETHER: Since the morning after we were married I have woken up and helped my husband get ready for work. At times this has meant getting up at 6:15am and other times 4:15AM! Sometimes it's with reluctance after having just been up two hours earlier feeding the baby, but it allows us to be on the same page day in and day out.

MAKE HIS LUNCH: This came as a surprise to me. A few weeks ago my husband said to me "Thank you for still making my lunch". I was taken back a little. Then he elaborated, "I just figured you would one day stop and have me do it and I just really appreciate that you still make it." I know he's capable of doing it himself, but if it's means so much to him it makes me excited to bless him in that way. Plus you can always give him a little shock by sneaking something a sexy little something inside with a note that makes his heart race with expectation to come home :)
 

Baby(kids):

DO THE MONOTONOUS: Mothers are needed even in the medial tasks, but that’s what counts. As the book "10 Habits of Healthy Mothers" says even wiping peas off the floor is important. Try to enjoy the things you have to do for your kids.

LET THEM BE THEM: You had your glory days. Allow them to develop into who they are. Don’t push them towards your regrets.

LOVE THEM OUT LOUD: We women should know this better than anyone else. We know our husbands love us. They do things to show us they love us, but that's not enough. We need to here those three precious words "I love you" and so do your kids!

FRIENDS:

LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO TELL THE TRUTH: I know some friendships don’t work this way. Then you have to ask yourself, is this really a true friendship or some self serving relationship where the other person can stay within the confines of what they feel is comfortable without any real input from the people who care. I want friendships that change me. Friendships that mold me into a better person. I want friendships that challenge me. In the same sense when your girlfriend says, “does this make my butt look big?” use some tact.

REMEMBER SPECIAL EVENTS: Birthdays are a must. A lot of people say birthdays aren’t really a big thing for them. I am one of them. The truth is I do want people to acknowledge that they know it’s my birthday. I'm speaking to the choir on this one. I've tried to be much better with this on Facebook. Baby steps people. Baby steps! Also, remember to ask about the big test or a job interview that your friend mentioned.

CONNECT REGULARLY: We can’t all be blessed and live in the same town as our friends. So, make a point to say hi. There are so many forms of social media and for all types of schedules. It takes seconds to email, Facebook or text someone. When they’re on your mind buzz them an email and let them know. “Hey Chelse, just thinking about you. Hope you are doing well. I love you, em”

PUT THE PHONE AWAY: It's rude. Enough said!

STRANGERS:

SMILE: says a thousand word. It can make or break a day. Have you ever walked by someone and they smile all teeth holding nothing back. It’s not very often I get a smile like this from a total stranger. It’s usually the pursed lips, half grin partial head nod. Like, “hey” I’m gonna acknowledge you, but I’m going to allow just enough of a social buffer in the case you don’t reciprocate. Rejection hurts. And it’s hard not to feel rejected when you smile at a stranger and they don’t reciprocate. Accept it. Be joyful. Smile regardless.