Loving well...

I’m trying to learn how to love people well. And how does that look tangibly played out in my life. How to love my husband well, my friend well, my daughter well, my family well and complete strangers. I’ve tried to establish practices on how to do this.

I write these as personal reminders more than anything else. I want to be better. to put those around me at ease. This list serves as a conscious reminder that I know better and serves as accountability since it's been put to ink and sent out into public terrain.

Husband(or wife):

LOVE HIM BEYOND HIS MISTAKES: Someone said to me early on in my marriage that a spouse can cause the greatest joy and worst pain. I'm finding this to be true. Pain is inevitable when you love someone as madly as you do a spouse. If a spouse wounds you (which will happen with time) deal with it, forgive them, move on and don't bring it up again. It's searing pain to the heart when you hurt your spouse and you've dealt with the problem and then they bring up the subject as ammunition against you. Don't do it!

SEX: is important. I remember having a serious conversation as a young teen with my dad about marriage. I told my dad that sex was a benefit to marriage. He stopped me dead in my tracks by saying it was very important and one the foundations in marriage. So true! Be available for sex. Girls you may not be in the mood, you're tired, it's late and you have to get early. Men take the word "no" more personally than we might expect. So, indulge him. Don't be a martyr. Have fun and enjoy it!

COOK: The way to a man's heart is through is stomach. This is a funny phrase, but in ways it holds so much truth. My husband appreciated it so much when I cook him dinner and I even enjoy doing it.

GO TO BED AND WAKE UP TOGETHER: Since the morning after we were married I have woken up and helped my husband get ready for work. At times this has meant getting up at 6:15am and other times 4:15AM! Sometimes it's with reluctance after having just been up two hours earlier feeding the baby, but it allows us to be on the same page day in and day out.

MAKE HIS LUNCH: This came as a surprise to me. A few weeks ago my husband said to me "Thank you for still making my lunch". I was taken back a little. Then he elaborated, "I just figured you would one day stop and have me do it and I just really appreciate that you still make it." I know he's capable of doing it himself, but if it's means so much to him it makes me excited to bless him in that way. Plus you can always give him a little shock by sneaking something a sexy little something inside with a note that makes his heart race with expectation to come home :)
 

Baby(kids):

DO THE MONOTONOUS: Mothers are needed even in the medial tasks, but that’s what counts. As the book "10 Habits of Healthy Mothers" says even wiping peas off the floor is important. Try to enjoy the things you have to do for your kids.

LET THEM BE THEM: You had your glory days. Allow them to develop into who they are. Don’t push them towards your regrets.

LOVE THEM OUT LOUD: We women should know this better than anyone else. We know our husbands love us. They do things to show us they love us, but that's not enough. We need to here those three precious words "I love you" and so do your kids!

FRIENDS:

LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO TELL THE TRUTH: I know some friendships don’t work this way. Then you have to ask yourself, is this really a true friendship or some self serving relationship where the other person can stay within the confines of what they feel is comfortable without any real input from the people who care. I want friendships that change me. Friendships that mold me into a better person. I want friendships that challenge me. In the same sense when your girlfriend says, “does this make my butt look big?” use some tact.

REMEMBER SPECIAL EVENTS: Birthdays are a must. A lot of people say birthdays aren’t really a big thing for them. I am one of them. The truth is I do want people to acknowledge that they know it’s my birthday. I'm speaking to the choir on this one. I've tried to be much better with this on Facebook. Baby steps people. Baby steps! Also, remember to ask about the big test or a job interview that your friend mentioned.

CONNECT REGULARLY: We can’t all be blessed and live in the same town as our friends. So, make a point to say hi. There are so many forms of social media and for all types of schedules. It takes seconds to email, Facebook or text someone. When they’re on your mind buzz them an email and let them know. “Hey Chelse, just thinking about you. Hope you are doing well. I love you, em”

PUT THE PHONE AWAY: It's rude. Enough said!

STRANGERS:

SMILE: says a thousand word. It can make or break a day. Have you ever walked by someone and they smile all teeth holding nothing back. It’s not very often I get a smile like this from a total stranger. It’s usually the pursed lips, half grin partial head nod. Like, “hey” I’m gonna acknowledge you, but I’m going to allow just enough of a social buffer in the case you don’t reciprocate. Rejection hurts. And it’s hard not to feel rejected when you smile at a stranger and they don’t reciprocate. Accept it. Be joyful. Smile regardless.  


 


 

BABY BOOT CAMP

I can't get enough of this girl. Juliet and I went to visit Gma & Gpa this weekend while Daddy worked some overtime. These three were having way to much fun together :)

 

Due to my limited video editing abilities this one is sideways. Bahhh. Where is my brother when I need him?

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do even if it puts a kink in your neck.

Pondering from the Porcelain

I had an epiphany. Sitting on the toilet. Yes, I know this is graphic but that's where bright ideas come...there and the shower. Anyways, I was sitting on the toilet doing my thing, thinking about Miss Juliet's earlier diaper catastrophe when it hit me that all that I am is all thanks to my mother (and some dad of course).  Hang with me here. My ability to talk, walk and use the toilet are all thanks to the patient and helpful instruction of my mother. All of it. I suddenly had a greater appreciation for my mom. You know those moments you wished you would have realized sooner and thinking back to the unappreciative teen years you began to feel really bad, that's me there.

I just wanted to say thanks mom! To all mom's for that matter. You are appreciated and loved. I think Meg Meeker says it perfectly in her book "The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers". She states,

      " The truth is, you are worth more than you can imagine. I don't care if you you

feel like a lousy mom or you are fabulous. Whether you're a workaholic who feels like 

she never sees her kids or a stay-at-home mom who feels unappreciated, you are woefully

 misguided in your thinking...you are not a failure. But you feel like one. I can confidently

 say this because, as a pediatrician, my job is to watch you and keep your kids healthy.

 And when I see them, I see kids who love their moms. I see how your kids look at you,

 hang on to your knees, and hold your hand. I see you more akin to how they see you- as

 a woman who is needed, loved and cherished."

 

Motherhood is no easy job. I'm realizing that now. The tables have turned full circle and I am realizing the sacrifices my mom made. The dreams she had to put on hold, the parties she missed breast feeding in the back room, the outfits she burned after a diaper spillage, the frumpy mom look after those rough 3 night feedings and seeing people you haven't seen for a while in the store ("Really, I don't look like this, it's been a rough night" "Really sister, I couldn't tell by side pony and your boob still hanging out of your shirt"), answering the door and realizing you haven't pulled your shirt down or your not wearing pants (I cannot name the amount of times of done this one), forgetting to eat until 2pm, never enjoying a shower so much in my life (It's the one place that's quite and that I can be free of crotch and boob pads and the stench of milk). Side note, Husbands if you can give your wife anything in the day. Take the baby and allow her to take a long shower. It'll make her feel human again.

 

All this to say thank you mom's. You are needed! You are loved! You are appreciated! Your sacrifices do not go unnoticed...sometimes it just takes your kids 26 years and a baby of their own to get the picture. Love you mom!

 

 

 

My mom Lacy with her first grandchild, my daughter Juliet

I Love You Daddy!

When Juliet was born Father's Day was right around the corner. I wanted to make something special for Jon. Something that he could keep through the years, but also something that demonstrated the gravity and responsibility of being a Father. Roaming through a newspaper one day I found this poem.

DADDY WILL YOU

by:Betty Boyd

Well here I am, your little girl, ll cute and cuddly and full of life. I don't know how

 I'm supposed to act, and what I am to believe. God gave us each other, so there must be

 things He wants us to learn together.

As I grow into a lady, I want you to be proud of me even though you won't be pleased

 with some of the things I'll do.

So Daddy , will you...

~ Hold me when I'm afraid and need to feel your security, and also for no reason other

 than you just want to?

~ Listen to me when I'm just being silly, needing to talk things out, and then guide

me with truths?

~ Encourage me with hope when I get depressed and down

on myself and life?

~ Teach me what is right and what is wrong, and when needed, the whys that

will make it easier to make my decisions with wisdom?

~ Tell me how me think so I can better understand their viewpoints, so I can

easier set boundaries where needed, to make relationships respectable and richer?

~ Help me discover my gifts, talents and treasure in me, and encourage me to

dream about walking in them  with God with confidence and humility?

~ Bless me with approval, and acceptance of me, and the much needed life

giving fruit of the Spirit, as well as blessing me with your correction?

~ So as you hold me ~ comfort me ~ listen to me ~ encourage me ~ teach me ~

tell me ~ help me ~ and bless me, you will be showing me who God is, and then

 I will be able to trust and love Him, and will want to follow Him and a life in

 obedience and surrender.

 

And finally daddy, when I grow up and am ready to marry, I will already know who

 I am looking for, because I saw him first in you. 

 

 

 

I took a picture frame that I had purchase at a garage sale which had two mat board. On one I wrote this poem ( and also attached the newspaper cutout on the back for easier reading). On the other board I painted Miss Juliet's foot and pressed it to the board. He loved it!

 

 

LOVE THIS GIRL!!!

 

 



To be or not to be....that is the question.

There's always hard decisions to be made in motherhood. For example, this morning Miss Juliet was struggling to take her nap. As soon as she went down I realized her nails need to be cut. For all you mothers out there, you know the best time to cut your kids nails is when they are sleeping, but there is always the chance of stirring them from their slumber. Mmm...tough choice.

 Cut the kids nails with the potential issue of awaking the screaming beast from her slumber.

OR, opt out on the trim and let her sleep with the reality she may wake up looking like Scarface.

I chose option A and thank goodness she is still snoozing away!

Motherhood is sacrificial. During pregnancy your youth is sucked from your bones into your child's. During labor your disfigured. In the process of child rearing you pour your energy, resources and time into your child. If there is one thing that becomes self evident it is ones own selfish nature. I've  mopped myself off the floor several times in self pity. What about my career? I want a no-stop road trip again! Can I get just an HOUR of my OWN time? I want a shower! Will there every be silence again? I'd like to wear clothes without taking into consideration are they easy open! I want to spend time with adults at parties instead of nursing in the back room! On and On. BUT, even in these moments I'll hear her soft rustling, awakening from her nap and I'm all too happy to hold and feed her. She is near and dear to me, but motherhood does not come without it's challenges.

Birth Plan VS. Birth Story

THE PLAN:

Everyone remembers the scene in "Lion King" after the birth of Simba when Rafiki raises the small lion above his head for the whole animal kingdom to see while the song "Circle of Life" triumphantly plays in the background. For those who haven't, it's a beautiful scene. This is how I imagined the birth of my first child...minus the monkey.

While I was pregnant I played with a lot of ideas: midwife, water birth, home birth, hospital birth, to do an epidural, not to do an epidural.  I also received LOTS and LOTS of advice from friends, family, and complete strangers. The last is my favorite. And who are you?

I watched this film "The Business of Being Born" with my best friend. It was great! But, after the bleak choices of midwifes I opted for a hospital birth. As far as drugs were concerned I decided to play it by ear. After all, this was my first rodeo. I would try to go natural and if I started screaming for drugs, sure, stab me in the spine...please :)

THE BIRTH:

Sunday (just over a week overdue):
On Sunday night around 10:30 pm I started to have contractions. Yeah! My husband and I were stoked. "We're going to have a kid tonight!" thought the first time naive parents. Bahahhahah!

Monday &Tuesday:
Thirty six hours later with contractions 5-7 minutes apart we decided go to the hospital. We were admitted and hopeful.
"You're half a centimeter dilated" the nurse said.
What! That's a pretty vast journey from ten. Dejected we went home with a stress test scheduled the following day with our OBGYN.

Wednesday:
"So, how long have you been having contractions?" our OB said scanning through my file.
"Sunday night" I said slightly annoyed. I'm huge. I'm hurting. I'm exhausted.
"What?" he said surprised "Well, were going to have that baby today".

After meeting him at the hospital he broke my water. Eeekkk! There was traces of meconium. Up went some contraption that flushes fresh liquid into my uterus AND we waited. I was given pitocin and up went some other contraption to measure contractions AND we waited. Oh yes, I did get an epidural :) AND a catheter :( Finally, late evening I had dilated to ten centimeters. It was time to start pushing! So we pushed and pushed and pushed. At one point baby's heart rate dropped to 70. We pushed until...

Thursday:
And still no baby.
"It's been three hours. I think we need to opt for a c-section. We could also try the vacuum".
"Can we try the vacuum" I said.
We tried and still no baby (my husband likes to add this was one of the gruesomest things he's ever seen).

Preparations for the c-section took all but 5 minutes. I was then whisked out of the room and down the hall past family and friend. I couldn't help but cry when I saw my dad. He looked worn and worried. The operation commenced and I started to feel sick. Jon, my husband, thrust a bag under my head just as I began throwing up.

She was born at 5:16am on Thursday morning. She was quickly rushed to the NICU. She was low on oxygen and had to be pumped because of the meconium. All I saw was the top of her tiny foot as they wheeled her out asking my husband to go with them.

An hour later I was reunited with Jon. We cried when we saw each other overwhelmed with emotion. Soon after little Juliet Love was brought in and I saw and held her for the first time. Like all mothers say, it was totally worth it!