Loving well...

I’m trying to learn how to love people well. And how does that look tangibly played out in my life. How to love my husband well, my friend well, my daughter well, my family well and complete strangers. I’ve tried to establish practices on how to do this.

I write these as personal reminders more than anything else. I want to be better. to put those around me at ease. This list serves as a conscious reminder that I know better and serves as accountability since it's been put to ink and sent out into public terrain.

Husband(or wife):

LOVE HIM BEYOND HIS MISTAKES: Someone said to me early on in my marriage that a spouse can cause the greatest joy and worst pain. I'm finding this to be true. Pain is inevitable when you love someone as madly as you do a spouse. If a spouse wounds you (which will happen with time) deal with it, forgive them, move on and don't bring it up again. It's searing pain to the heart when you hurt your spouse and you've dealt with the problem and then they bring up the subject as ammunition against you. Don't do it!

SEX: is important. I remember having a serious conversation as a young teen with my dad about marriage. I told my dad that sex was a benefit to marriage. He stopped me dead in my tracks by saying it was very important and one the foundations in marriage. So true! Be available for sex. Girls you may not be in the mood, you're tired, it's late and you have to get early. Men take the word "no" more personally than we might expect. So, indulge him. Don't be a martyr. Have fun and enjoy it!

COOK: The way to a man's heart is through is stomach. This is a funny phrase, but in ways it holds so much truth. My husband appreciated it so much when I cook him dinner and I even enjoy doing it.

GO TO BED AND WAKE UP TOGETHER: Since the morning after we were married I have woken up and helped my husband get ready for work. At times this has meant getting up at 6:15am and other times 4:15AM! Sometimes it's with reluctance after having just been up two hours earlier feeding the baby, but it allows us to be on the same page day in and day out.

MAKE HIS LUNCH: This came as a surprise to me. A few weeks ago my husband said to me "Thank you for still making my lunch". I was taken back a little. Then he elaborated, "I just figured you would one day stop and have me do it and I just really appreciate that you still make it." I know he's capable of doing it himself, but if it's means so much to him it makes me excited to bless him in that way. Plus you can always give him a little shock by sneaking something a sexy little something inside with a note that makes his heart race with expectation to come home :)
 

Baby(kids):

DO THE MONOTONOUS: Mothers are needed even in the medial tasks, but that’s what counts. As the book "10 Habits of Healthy Mothers" says even wiping peas off the floor is important. Try to enjoy the things you have to do for your kids.

LET THEM BE THEM: You had your glory days. Allow them to develop into who they are. Don’t push them towards your regrets.

LOVE THEM OUT LOUD: We women should know this better than anyone else. We know our husbands love us. They do things to show us they love us, but that's not enough. We need to here those three precious words "I love you" and so do your kids!

FRIENDS:

LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO TELL THE TRUTH: I know some friendships don’t work this way. Then you have to ask yourself, is this really a true friendship or some self serving relationship where the other person can stay within the confines of what they feel is comfortable without any real input from the people who care. I want friendships that change me. Friendships that mold me into a better person. I want friendships that challenge me. In the same sense when your girlfriend says, “does this make my butt look big?” use some tact.

REMEMBER SPECIAL EVENTS: Birthdays are a must. A lot of people say birthdays aren’t really a big thing for them. I am one of them. The truth is I do want people to acknowledge that they know it’s my birthday. I'm speaking to the choir on this one. I've tried to be much better with this on Facebook. Baby steps people. Baby steps! Also, remember to ask about the big test or a job interview that your friend mentioned.

CONNECT REGULARLY: We can’t all be blessed and live in the same town as our friends. So, make a point to say hi. There are so many forms of social media and for all types of schedules. It takes seconds to email, Facebook or text someone. When they’re on your mind buzz them an email and let them know. “Hey Chelse, just thinking about you. Hope you are doing well. I love you, em”

PUT THE PHONE AWAY: It's rude. Enough said!

STRANGERS:

SMILE: says a thousand word. It can make or break a day. Have you ever walked by someone and they smile all teeth holding nothing back. It’s not very often I get a smile like this from a total stranger. It’s usually the pursed lips, half grin partial head nod. Like, “hey” I’m gonna acknowledge you, but I’m going to allow just enough of a social buffer in the case you don’t reciprocate. Rejection hurts. And it’s hard not to feel rejected when you smile at a stranger and they don’t reciprocate. Accept it. Be joyful. Smile regardless.  


 


 

MORNING SCONES

I met Jen in college. She was crazy. Not the crazy crazy, but the good kind of crazy. She smiled a lot, had a great sense of humor and always knew how to have fun even during medial tasks. She's a rare breed of female.

We didn't hit it off initially. I thought she was introverted and had mostly male friends. And she thought I was, to put it frankly "a bitch". I can't even remember the first place we met each other, but wherever, or whenever it was we hit it off.

We've been friends for 8 years now. We're both married married to Jon's and we both have baby girls.

 

For my wedding Jen made me a recipe book out of a leather bound photo book. She wove pictures of us throughout the years in it. Some from college, special trips and even one from her wedding. I cherish this gift. This is one of my favorite recipes from her collection, now gifted to me.

 

MORNING SCONES:

 

3 cups flour

1/2 sugar

5 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cups butter

1 egg, beaten

1 cup milk

 

 

Combine all dry ingredients in a large bowl. Cut in butter with a pastry tool. Beat egg in a measuring cup and fill to 1 cup with milk, mix together.
 

 

Stir wet ingredients into dry. turn dough on lightly floured surface. Cut into two sections. Make each sections into 1/2 inch thick rounds. cut into wedges.

 

 

Try adding this combinations to the mixture:

orange zest & cranberries

lemon & blueberries

chocolate chips

Raspberries & white chocolate*
 

 

Cook at 400F for 12- 14 minutes or until lightly browned.

*My favorite :)

Momma Mia...

Motherhood? It's fabulous, thrilling, monotonous, exhausting, confusing, open-ended and freeing. There are so many mixed emotions about being a stay-at-home mom. In college I would never imagined living the life I have now. As a business student I imagined myself the young money monger of some fortune 500 company living the fabulously single, fashionably rich and frantically busy life blazing the untrodden path for both women and youth. Here I am 26 years old, married, staying at home with a 3 month old. My daily routines are hardly what I imagined 4 years ago (they definitely don't make Time magazine) and yet I feel more meaning in my routines than any non-profit or sales gig I had in L.A. or here in Redding. But, I do crave more.

As a new student to motherhood I want to achieve so many things. I want to be the wise, caring and encouraging wife. I want to be an available friend. I want a clean house. I want to be a fantastic cook. I want to be a good mother. I want to pursue a rewarding career. I want to be involved in my community. I want to look fabulous (and not smell of Perfume de leche). I want free-time. I want to travel overseas and across the U.S.  I want to create with my mind and hands. Stereotypical to my generation I want ALL these things NOW! The best lesson I have learned is I don't have to have the perfect house, be flawlessly dresses, make immaculate meals, have a career that makes headlines. Baby steps. I take each day, measure each option. It's morning Miss Juliet (my precious baby) wakes up in a fabulous mood I need to clean the house because company is coming. I can...

a. Spend some time with Miss Juliet singing songs and making faces.

b. Or, put the kid in the swing, vacuum and do a quick dusting.

I opt now for the first option. It's rewarding to both of us. I've learned some things can wait (like the dust mites). Relationships are of NOW importance. House chores will always be there, but the option to spend special windows of time with people come and go.

Today, I choose to be intentional and make time to share special moments with people I love.