Loving well...

I’m trying to learn how to love people well. And how does that look tangibly played out in my life. How to love my husband well, my friend well, my daughter well, my family well and complete strangers. I’ve tried to establish practices on how to do this.

I write these as personal reminders more than anything else. I want to be better. to put those around me at ease. This list serves as a conscious reminder that I know better and serves as accountability since it's been put to ink and sent out into public terrain.

Husband(or wife):

LOVE HIM BEYOND HIS MISTAKES: Someone said to me early on in my marriage that a spouse can cause the greatest joy and worst pain. I'm finding this to be true. Pain is inevitable when you love someone as madly as you do a spouse. If a spouse wounds you (which will happen with time) deal with it, forgive them, move on and don't bring it up again. It's searing pain to the heart when you hurt your spouse and you've dealt with the problem and then they bring up the subject as ammunition against you. Don't do it!

SEX: is important. I remember having a serious conversation as a young teen with my dad about marriage. I told my dad that sex was a benefit to marriage. He stopped me dead in my tracks by saying it was very important and one the foundations in marriage. So true! Be available for sex. Girls you may not be in the mood, you're tired, it's late and you have to get early. Men take the word "no" more personally than we might expect. So, indulge him. Don't be a martyr. Have fun and enjoy it!

COOK: The way to a man's heart is through is stomach. This is a funny phrase, but in ways it holds so much truth. My husband appreciated it so much when I cook him dinner and I even enjoy doing it.

GO TO BED AND WAKE UP TOGETHER: Since the morning after we were married I have woken up and helped my husband get ready for work. At times this has meant getting up at 6:15am and other times 4:15AM! Sometimes it's with reluctance after having just been up two hours earlier feeding the baby, but it allows us to be on the same page day in and day out.

MAKE HIS LUNCH: This came as a surprise to me. A few weeks ago my husband said to me "Thank you for still making my lunch". I was taken back a little. Then he elaborated, "I just figured you would one day stop and have me do it and I just really appreciate that you still make it." I know he's capable of doing it himself, but if it's means so much to him it makes me excited to bless him in that way. Plus you can always give him a little shock by sneaking something a sexy little something inside with a note that makes his heart race with expectation to come home :)
 

Baby(kids):

DO THE MONOTONOUS: Mothers are needed even in the medial tasks, but that’s what counts. As the book "10 Habits of Healthy Mothers" says even wiping peas off the floor is important. Try to enjoy the things you have to do for your kids.

LET THEM BE THEM: You had your glory days. Allow them to develop into who they are. Don’t push them towards your regrets.

LOVE THEM OUT LOUD: We women should know this better than anyone else. We know our husbands love us. They do things to show us they love us, but that's not enough. We need to here those three precious words "I love you" and so do your kids!

FRIENDS:

LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO TELL THE TRUTH: I know some friendships don’t work this way. Then you have to ask yourself, is this really a true friendship or some self serving relationship where the other person can stay within the confines of what they feel is comfortable without any real input from the people who care. I want friendships that change me. Friendships that mold me into a better person. I want friendships that challenge me. In the same sense when your girlfriend says, “does this make my butt look big?” use some tact.

REMEMBER SPECIAL EVENTS: Birthdays are a must. A lot of people say birthdays aren’t really a big thing for them. I am one of them. The truth is I do want people to acknowledge that they know it’s my birthday. I'm speaking to the choir on this one. I've tried to be much better with this on Facebook. Baby steps people. Baby steps! Also, remember to ask about the big test or a job interview that your friend mentioned.

CONNECT REGULARLY: We can’t all be blessed and live in the same town as our friends. So, make a point to say hi. There are so many forms of social media and for all types of schedules. It takes seconds to email, Facebook or text someone. When they’re on your mind buzz them an email and let them know. “Hey Chelse, just thinking about you. Hope you are doing well. I love you, em”

PUT THE PHONE AWAY: It's rude. Enough said!

STRANGERS:

SMILE: says a thousand word. It can make or break a day. Have you ever walked by someone and they smile all teeth holding nothing back. It’s not very often I get a smile like this from a total stranger. It’s usually the pursed lips, half grin partial head nod. Like, “hey” I’m gonna acknowledge you, but I’m going to allow just enough of a social buffer in the case you don’t reciprocate. Rejection hurts. And it’s hard not to feel rejected when you smile at a stranger and they don’t reciprocate. Accept it. Be joyful. Smile regardless.  


 


 

She is 4 months....

Baby girl has her four month appointment today! I can hardly believe it. She has been a miracle since the day we found out we were pregnant. She brings so much joy into our house, families, friends and even our neighborhood. Her smiles are precious gifts. Her giggles make my heart want to burst. She is a treasure to be shared. Each day is cherished because it could be the last . I relish each moment because I'll never get them back. The phone, laundry, dishes, to-do lists can wait. When the moment is special it is uninterpretable because I make it. Nothing is more important than time. Time spent with the one I love.

 

I don't want thoughts of regret when I look back at her childhood thinking I should have played with her more, giggled more, spent more time, loosened up more, created more, imagined more, stepped into her shoes and wondered, awed and discovered more.

Responsibilities are important, we're weighted down by the luggage of life. But, sometime we pick up bags that aren't as important as the ones we leave behind. We need money so we pick up an extra job or work a lot of overtime, but is it worth what precious time we have. It'll be harder without the extra cash, but is it worth it? We clean frantically, switching out laundry, wiping down the (what we thought was a good idea) dark wood floors. She's happy and laughing and we say we'll play with her after. Why not take advantage of the opportunity now?

Balance is a constant struggle. I've learned to let go in so many ways and have so much more to loosen my controlling, death grip of a hold from. Life is learning.

The photos were taken by some dear friends at Gleason Photoworks in Red Bluff!

BABY BOOT CAMP

I can't get enough of this girl. Juliet and I went to visit Gma & Gpa this weekend while Daddy worked some overtime. These three were having way to much fun together :)

 

Due to my limited video editing abilities this one is sideways. Bahhh. Where is my brother when I need him?

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do even if it puts a kink in your neck.

Pondering from the Porcelain

I had an epiphany. Sitting on the toilet. Yes, I know this is graphic but that's where bright ideas come...there and the shower. Anyways, I was sitting on the toilet doing my thing, thinking about Miss Juliet's earlier diaper catastrophe when it hit me that all that I am is all thanks to my mother (and some dad of course).  Hang with me here. My ability to talk, walk and use the toilet are all thanks to the patient and helpful instruction of my mother. All of it. I suddenly had a greater appreciation for my mom. You know those moments you wished you would have realized sooner and thinking back to the unappreciative teen years you began to feel really bad, that's me there.

I just wanted to say thanks mom! To all mom's for that matter. You are appreciated and loved. I think Meg Meeker says it perfectly in her book "The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers". She states,

      " The truth is, you are worth more than you can imagine. I don't care if you you

feel like a lousy mom or you are fabulous. Whether you're a workaholic who feels like 

she never sees her kids or a stay-at-home mom who feels unappreciated, you are woefully

 misguided in your thinking...you are not a failure. But you feel like one. I can confidently

 say this because, as a pediatrician, my job is to watch you and keep your kids healthy.

 And when I see them, I see kids who love their moms. I see how your kids look at you,

 hang on to your knees, and hold your hand. I see you more akin to how they see you- as

 a woman who is needed, loved and cherished."

 

Motherhood is no easy job. I'm realizing that now. The tables have turned full circle and I am realizing the sacrifices my mom made. The dreams she had to put on hold, the parties she missed breast feeding in the back room, the outfits she burned after a diaper spillage, the frumpy mom look after those rough 3 night feedings and seeing people you haven't seen for a while in the store ("Really, I don't look like this, it's been a rough night" "Really sister, I couldn't tell by side pony and your boob still hanging out of your shirt"), answering the door and realizing you haven't pulled your shirt down or your not wearing pants (I cannot name the amount of times of done this one), forgetting to eat until 2pm, never enjoying a shower so much in my life (It's the one place that's quite and that I can be free of crotch and boob pads and the stench of milk). Side note, Husbands if you can give your wife anything in the day. Take the baby and allow her to take a long shower. It'll make her feel human again.

 

All this to say thank you mom's. You are needed! You are loved! You are appreciated! Your sacrifices do not go unnoticed...sometimes it just takes your kids 26 years and a baby of their own to get the picture. Love you mom!

 

 

 

My mom Lacy with her first grandchild, my daughter Juliet

Hush little baby...

Lil' Miss Juliet took her first nap in her big girl bed. It was a struggle at first. I tried to lay her down and she screamed for 15 minutes. So, I laid her down in her bassinet and she quickly fell asleep, then I quietly picked her up and put her in the big bed. We're slowly trying to make the transition starting with a nap or so a week, once a day, most naps and then nights in the bed.

 

This also made me think of a song Juliet and I sing together called "Hush Little Baby". Only the following lyrics were designed by Sylvia Long who thought the old version showed a mother comforting her child with material possessions and decided to make a new twist on an old song. I much prefer Sylvia's version...

 

 



Hush Little Baby

Sylvia Long

Hush little baby, don't say a word.
Momma's going to show you a hummingbird.

If that hummingbird should fly,
Momma's going to show you the evening sky.

When the nighttime shadows fall,
Momma's going to hear the crickets call.

When their songs drift from afar,
Momma's going to show you a shooting star.

When that star has dropped from view,
Momma's going to read a book with you.

When that story has been read,
Momma's going to bring your warm bed spread.

If that quilt begins to wear,
Momma's going to bring you your teddy bear.

If that teddy bear won't hug,
Momma's going to catch you a lightning bug.

If that lightning bug won't glow,
Momma's going to play on her old banjo.

If that banjo is out of tune,
Momma's going to show you the harvest moon.

As that moon drifts through the sky,
Momma's going to sing you a lullaby.

 

This is definitely one of our favorite books/songs. It's good one to add to any collection.

http://www.sylvia-long.com/index.html

Help! I'm a NEW mom!

As a new mother I have received TONS of stuff. Stuff I thought I needed. Stuff like three different white noise makers, electric and hand held breast pump, 4 different play mats and a ridiculous amount of baby clothes. So, I decided to create a list of things that I have actually used so that when my friends have babies I know what to buy them. Mind you this list is applicable for children 0-3 months. Also, I am slightly a minimalist and hate clutter so this is bare bones.

Large Burp Clothes: The ones I have are very simple. They are 2 x 2 feet with surged edges. Most mothers could easily make these from home without much sewing experience. They are great because they can fully cover you for burping messes, can be used for discrete breast feeding or even a blanket. I love them!

Small Blanket: The one Miss Juliet has is called "Little Giraffe". It is only 1 x 1. When I first saw this blanket I thought "what the heck am I going to use this for"? Let me tell you it's perfect to lay over her in her car seat and in her bassinet. Love this item!

Rock N' Play: They sell them at Target! And they're cheap! Juliet has slept in this every night since she was an infant. It's elevated towards the head, which gives a mom nervous about SIDS an easier nights rest. It's legs allow you to easily rock your child. Also, if you travel this item is fantastic.  Juliet will be going on he third camp out this weekend. It's easily snaps to a compact size for travel!

Mittens: Baby nails are so sharp and if you have a child who is constantly clawing at her face slip a pair of these one. Also sold at Target in two packs.

Nursing Cover: If you have to nurse in public and feel uncomfortable about it you need a nursing cover. A blanket does not work! Learn from my experience. Having once tried the snazzy blanket trick I promised never to go back. It was an embarrassing, revealing, squirting wet wonder. Buy a cover with boning. I purchased mine at a second hand store and gave it a quick wash and it works great.

Carrier: Buy some sort of body carrier. I personally have a Hotsling and Baby Bjorn. Juliet LOVED the Hotsling as a newborn because it kept her close, snuggled tight and bouncing as I walked around the house (doesn't allow much movement for right arm though). We are still getting used to the Bjorn. I've also heard Moby wraps are great. There are tons...find one right for you. Borrow a friends before you purchase because you can spend a fortune.

Monitor: It doesn't have to be fancy. If you like to go outside while baby is napping and do projects (like me) this helps. It allows you to have piece of mind that baby is still slumbering away while you're working in the garden. Saves a lot of time checking up on the baby.

First Aid Kit (for babies): Handy to have. You will be using the nail clippers on a regular basis. It's crazy how sharp they are and how fast they grow. Clip while they are sleeping :)

Nightgowns w/ built in mittens: These are just nice and convenient  because mittens sometime tend to come off. You'll see a little pocket on the end of the sleeve that is meant to be folded over (kinda like a sandwich bag). Keep baby scratch free!

Swing: Not a must, but when your second comes around you'll be begging for the second set of hands.

I did not include common sense items (diapers, wipes, and clothes) and this isn't an all inclusive list, just some items I have come to love. I hope this helps! I wish I had a list like this when I first had Juliet! PLEASE add to the list of you have found other helpful items...

To be or not to be....that is the question.

There's always hard decisions to be made in motherhood. For example, this morning Miss Juliet was struggling to take her nap. As soon as she went down I realized her nails need to be cut. For all you mothers out there, you know the best time to cut your kids nails is when they are sleeping, but there is always the chance of stirring them from their slumber. Mmm...tough choice.

 Cut the kids nails with the potential issue of awaking the screaming beast from her slumber.

OR, opt out on the trim and let her sleep with the reality she may wake up looking like Scarface.

I chose option A and thank goodness she is still snoozing away!

Motherhood is sacrificial. During pregnancy your youth is sucked from your bones into your child's. During labor your disfigured. In the process of child rearing you pour your energy, resources and time into your child. If there is one thing that becomes self evident it is ones own selfish nature. I've  mopped myself off the floor several times in self pity. What about my career? I want a no-stop road trip again! Can I get just an HOUR of my OWN time? I want a shower! Will there every be silence again? I'd like to wear clothes without taking into consideration are they easy open! I want to spend time with adults at parties instead of nursing in the back room! On and On. BUT, even in these moments I'll hear her soft rustling, awakening from her nap and I'm all too happy to hold and feed her. She is near and dear to me, but motherhood does not come without it's challenges.

4 MUSTS TO BE A "COOL" MOM

I recently attended a play group with a group of women in my hometown. I abruptly realized I am NOT (I repeat) a cool mom. To be a cool mom you must do the following.

Cloth Diapers…and you can’t just do any ol’shanky diaper. It must be the best of the best. This weeks topic was Ragababes. From what I hear it is cult following. Mothers flood the Facebook site just to get their fingers on a used one at almost the same cost as the new. I change 10-12 diapers a day.  I’ll pass….for now.

The "IT" Bag: As I scan the room I see the Louis Vuitton of baby bags. There is Petunia Pickle Bottom, Ju-Ju-Be, OiOi...the list goes on. Then I scan over to my patchwork one. Buh-dum. It’s like that moment in grade school when you go to your first school dance and all your friend curl their hair and wear dresses and here you come in Reebok tennis shoes, tube socks and your favorite tweety bird shirt. That would be me only I’m 26 and still can’t escape it.

The Ride: This one came as a total surprise. I thought I had the best…well, at least the best from target (tar-shea) . Again, epic fail. You can’t just have a stroller. You need one that you can run with, has shock absorbers, a fancy brake system. Mmmm....Mine has wheels J

Formula: What are you thinking? Bad mom!! In this part of the world it a big no no! I personally breastfeed, but in cases like the wedding I attended last week I supplemented with formula. In this posse it's almost as bad as those parents who put soda in their kids sippy cups.

If motherhood wasn't so new and overwhelming in the first place add a few other moms and all their methods on child rearing and your bound to have your head reeling.

We'll see what I'm up against next week :) Cheerio!

 

Momma Mia...

Motherhood? It's fabulous, thrilling, monotonous, exhausting, confusing, open-ended and freeing. There are so many mixed emotions about being a stay-at-home mom. In college I would never imagined living the life I have now. As a business student I imagined myself the young money monger of some fortune 500 company living the fabulously single, fashionably rich and frantically busy life blazing the untrodden path for both women and youth. Here I am 26 years old, married, staying at home with a 3 month old. My daily routines are hardly what I imagined 4 years ago (they definitely don't make Time magazine) and yet I feel more meaning in my routines than any non-profit or sales gig I had in L.A. or here in Redding. But, I do crave more.

As a new student to motherhood I want to achieve so many things. I want to be the wise, caring and encouraging wife. I want to be an available friend. I want a clean house. I want to be a fantastic cook. I want to be a good mother. I want to pursue a rewarding career. I want to be involved in my community. I want to look fabulous (and not smell of Perfume de leche). I want free-time. I want to travel overseas and across the U.S.  I want to create with my mind and hands. Stereotypical to my generation I want ALL these things NOW! The best lesson I have learned is I don't have to have the perfect house, be flawlessly dresses, make immaculate meals, have a career that makes headlines. Baby steps. I take each day, measure each option. It's morning Miss Juliet (my precious baby) wakes up in a fabulous mood I need to clean the house because company is coming. I can...

a. Spend some time with Miss Juliet singing songs and making faces.

b. Or, put the kid in the swing, vacuum and do a quick dusting.

I opt now for the first option. It's rewarding to both of us. I've learned some things can wait (like the dust mites). Relationships are of NOW importance. House chores will always be there, but the option to spend special windows of time with people come and go.

Today, I choose to be intentional and make time to share special moments with people I love.

Birth Plan VS. Birth Story

THE PLAN:

Everyone remembers the scene in "Lion King" after the birth of Simba when Rafiki raises the small lion above his head for the whole animal kingdom to see while the song "Circle of Life" triumphantly plays in the background. For those who haven't, it's a beautiful scene. This is how I imagined the birth of my first child...minus the monkey.

While I was pregnant I played with a lot of ideas: midwife, water birth, home birth, hospital birth, to do an epidural, not to do an epidural.  I also received LOTS and LOTS of advice from friends, family, and complete strangers. The last is my favorite. And who are you?

I watched this film "The Business of Being Born" with my best friend. It was great! But, after the bleak choices of midwifes I opted for a hospital birth. As far as drugs were concerned I decided to play it by ear. After all, this was my first rodeo. I would try to go natural and if I started screaming for drugs, sure, stab me in the spine...please :)

THE BIRTH:

Sunday (just over a week overdue):
On Sunday night around 10:30 pm I started to have contractions. Yeah! My husband and I were stoked. "We're going to have a kid tonight!" thought the first time naive parents. Bahahhahah!

Monday &Tuesday:
Thirty six hours later with contractions 5-7 minutes apart we decided go to the hospital. We were admitted and hopeful.
"You're half a centimeter dilated" the nurse said.
What! That's a pretty vast journey from ten. Dejected we went home with a stress test scheduled the following day with our OBGYN.

Wednesday:
"So, how long have you been having contractions?" our OB said scanning through my file.
"Sunday night" I said slightly annoyed. I'm huge. I'm hurting. I'm exhausted.
"What?" he said surprised "Well, were going to have that baby today".

After meeting him at the hospital he broke my water. Eeekkk! There was traces of meconium. Up went some contraption that flushes fresh liquid into my uterus AND we waited. I was given pitocin and up went some other contraption to measure contractions AND we waited. Oh yes, I did get an epidural :) AND a catheter :( Finally, late evening I had dilated to ten centimeters. It was time to start pushing! So we pushed and pushed and pushed. At one point baby's heart rate dropped to 70. We pushed until...

Thursday:
And still no baby.
"It's been three hours. I think we need to opt for a c-section. We could also try the vacuum".
"Can we try the vacuum" I said.
We tried and still no baby (my husband likes to add this was one of the gruesomest things he's ever seen).

Preparations for the c-section took all but 5 minutes. I was then whisked out of the room and down the hall past family and friend. I couldn't help but cry when I saw my dad. He looked worn and worried. The operation commenced and I started to feel sick. Jon, my husband, thrust a bag under my head just as I began throwing up.

She was born at 5:16am on Thursday morning. She was quickly rushed to the NICU. She was low on oxygen and had to be pumped because of the meconium. All I saw was the top of her tiny foot as they wheeled her out asking my husband to go with them.

An hour later I was reunited with Jon. We cried when we saw each other overwhelmed with emotion. Soon after little Juliet Love was brought in and I saw and held her for the first time. Like all mothers say, it was totally worth it!

Why GoodWordGoodWine?

My father once said to me "Emily, you're good at everything but you're not great at anything." After overcoming my initial shock and defeat I scraped together what confidence I had left off the floor I realized he was RIGHT! That was a humbling, but defining moment in my life.

I've always loved new experiences: people, places, foods, fades etc. I familiarize myself with everything. Let's take sports for example, I would try out a sport and become good, but never exceptionally great. Why? Maybe I'm mediocre. Or just bored.  I'm still trying to figure that one out.

So, I decided to start a blog, but what to write about with my unique lack of narrowed passion. Well, just that. I'll start a blog about EVERYTHING. Which goes against EVERYTHING I've ever learned. As a business major this goes against all business sense. In order to be successful one needs to find a niche market and stick with it. And there is no such thing as a niche in everything.

Maybe EVERYTHING is a little broad, but I do know a thing or two about me. Currently, I'm newly married, just bought my first home and just had a baby. These all came with their own unique challenges. Thus, I hope to somehow reach an audience that is in a similar phase of life as I am. Hopefully you can learn from me or I from you :)

A blog about EVERTHING is difficult to name. Yes, I could use my name. Blah! Boring! After a few days thought I decided on GoodWordGoodWine, which is a women's group I created a few years back. The purpose is to develop lasting relations with a small group of women (8-10). This group would serve as support during the many transitions in life such a marriage, moving, babies, jobs etc. It was also developed to strengthen these women emotionally, relationally, spiritually and physically. EUREKA! Everything I want for a blog.